Tonight is my last night of work for 3 days. This is the first set of nights I have worked since the Thanksgiving. I am thinking that working nights and my relationship with Stanley are not working out very well. When I work days, I go to work at 5am, and get off at about 6PM. Which in turn means that I get to live a fairly normal life, and sleep in bed next to my lover. Nights are a completely different story. I leave for a night shift around 5pm, and get home at about 6AM. For me, its not that big of a deal, I don't mind standing nights, they are a bit boring at times, but for the most part, they are something I am used to. I am used to them only because I have been on the same deranged schedule for about 5 years (excluding the year i lived in Portland). Stanley on the other hand is defiantly not keen on the idea of him sleeping in the bed alone, and essentially not seeing me for more than 30 minutes a day for a couple of days. I completely understand why he hates when I work nights, I am starting to hate them too. I have boiled down most of the bad things that have happened in our relationship since we have been here in Juneau, have somehow transpired while I am on nights. I can understand why. But I am not willing to let my work interfere in my personal life. I have officially asked for less nights in the coming months from the person that writes our schedule, and next time I am in and see my boss, I am going to personally ask him to either stand less nights, or none at all. I am not as valuable of an employee at night, because there is so little that happens at night. In my mind, me standing day's only makes complete sense. Stanley and I are happier, because we get to spend more time together, and work gets more use out of me during regular business hours. I'm not going to hold my breath for a major change in the schedule, but I am going to make an honest effort and plead my case. In my mind, my relationship comes way before work, and I feel that if I don't stop working at night, my relationship is going to suffer. I can't take any more strife, things have been going so well lately, and I don't want that to change. I get a knot in my stomach the second I step out the door to work a night shift until the second I step foot back into our condo. I dunno, I trust him, Love him, but that isn't enough I guess. I worry about him. A lot. Something about nights really makes his mood and actions change. I don't know why, but it worries me. I just want to know that he is happy and healthy and not looking for something else to replace me while I am not there, or acting differently when I am not there. I am not worried about him cheating on me, I know he never will, but I dunno, it makes me nervous to leave the house, and have no idea what happens when I'm not there. I guess I'm just insecure about something. Again, I am leaving the past behind, and trusting that everything in the future will be perfectly fine. I do have another set of three nights in a row starting next Monday. I just want to get them out of the way, so I can stop worrying.
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On a brighter note, I get to spend both Saturday and Sunday with my man. We are both off of work, and have some plans together this weekend, mainly hot chocolate, and a cozy blanket.
I think we are going to really start looking for a new place to live this weekend too. I love the condo that we live in, but it is a little small, and the owner is selling it. I would like to move into something much larger, maybe 3BR 2bath, with a garage and a yard. I dunno, maybe we will find what we want, maybe we will have to settle for something smaller. I just want some room to grow, a dedicated guest bedroom, and a dedicated computer room/studio. Craigslist here I come.....
I really don't have much to say tonight, I'm pretty beat, and ready to head home. It is snowing outside, and has been since about noon. We are supposed to get 10-16 inches overnight, 6-12 inches today, and another 2-5 inches tonight. Hopefully the plows are out in force so we are not stuck at home all weekend. I would like to visit the glacier this weekend if its still cold. When its cold and not rainy, the lake that the glacier melts into, freezes over, and you can literally walk right up to the face of the glacier. It is a beautiful sight, and one of the first things that Stanley and I did when we arrived here in Juneau.
Good night Blogger world, I will talk to you all again soon.
-SJG
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